ME

ABOUT ME

About me:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to never let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Aww had to post this to thank my good friend Eric for the kind words. Thank you Eric.

love , Jamie





Body: Dear Honorable ......:


This is a letter by I, Eric Riggs, on behalf Jamie Greiman. I have personally known Jamie for 11 years now and consider him one my best friends. There is no question when it comes to Jamies character. For example, when Hurricane Katrina hit Jamie volunteered with the Red Cross without hesitation and was on his way to New Orleans. There he made a huge difference. I was very proud of him. Jamie is still a volunteer with The Red Cross today and teaches classes on disaster relief.

I feel that prison time will not help Jamie in the least bit. I dont just state this due to our friendship but I truly believe this to be true. Taking away Jamies freedom now, at this point in his life, when he is heading in the right direction will do more harm than good. . It is to my understanding that prison terms are laid down to those that either lead a criminal life style and or those that show that rehabilitation is needed. Placing Jamie in such an environment with negative influences in this atmosphere would be such a waste when he can do so many more productive things with his life. I have watched Jamie go through a huge change in the last two and a half years. He may have made some wrong choices but I believe in my heart that he is no threat to society, he is much more an asset.

That is why I think that it would be in Jamies best interest to stay out of jail. Jamie's character is of a dignified, trustworthy, loyal, and kind hearted person. I ask you to not change the direction of Jamie's life based on a mistake.

Sincerely,

Eric Lee Riggs

THANK YOU MY FRIEND

Thank you friend. i wanted to give me friend a special thank you for his kind words about me regarding the previouse blog I posted. Thank you Gregg so much and i hope you are not mad i posted this. I think it will help others make there letters. I love you- jamie

HERE IS THE DRAT OF THE LETTER HE WROTE:

My name is Gregg I am a 21 year old man, and a good friend of Jamie Greiman. My reasons for writing this letter is to set clear that Jamie Greiman is a good man at heart. I'm also writing this letter because I feel that his good deeds for family, friends and service to the community need to be brought into recommendation for his sentencing. If you would please read what I have to write and say about Jamie Greiman in this Personal Character letter, I will be greatful.

Jamie Greiman is a trustworthy hardworking man. He is very dependable and has an open heart to everyone around him. He cares a big deal about what goes on in his family life and his friends life. For example, when his niece was going through a crisis and thought no one would be there for her, Jamie was the first person to step up to the plate and be there for her. He wrote her back saying everything will be okay and he did it out of the love in his heart. Moreover, he constantly helps his friends when they are down. Whether it be mentally, spiritually or just a daily function, Jamie has always in my presence put his family and best of friends first to be there and give a lending hand. Jamie Greiman is also a very honest man, if you try to say otherwise, he will bring out the evidence that he is honest. I strongly believe that he is honest because everything i've heard him say since i've met him has been 100
rue. I don't think I would ever have a reason to believe otherwise that he wasn't honest because he is such a straight forward man.

As I stated previously, Jamie puts his family and friends first. Since i've known Jamie he has helped his father through Cancer twice and has been great at assisting him. I believe if there was an emergency under any circumstance regarding his family or best of friends, Jamie will be the first person there to help or send his love. Since Jamie's conviction, he has also gone to a rehabilitation program called AA. I believe this program has helped him become a better person and has made him realize some of his past mistakes. He has also served the many communities by being a member of the Red Cross. On the Red Cross he has served as a Manager, Disaster Service Supervisor, Trainer, Clien Service Supervisor, Financial CAS Manager and last but not least DAT Team Member. As you can see,Jamies presence in the Red Cross is tremendous, he has also helped victims of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Jamie is not only a member of one community organization, but four (including red cross). He is a member of the Democratic National Comittee, PAWS (Performing Animal Welfare Group) and the Manteca Democratic Club. Jamie Greiman is very active in the community! and i'm proud to say it, because he does a great helping hand and all the volunteers I have met that work with Jamie would surely agree.

Your honor, I believe Jamie Greiman has gone through a substantial change in the past two and a half years to the person he is today. He has done good for the community, he is a genuine honest man, and he cares for his family and friends a whole lot. What more can you ask of a man? he has turned himself into a great person among the community with a one ended bump in the road. Not to mention his criminal record is clean across the boards. When I see Jamie Greiman I do not see a criminal, I see the best friend. I see the kind hearted man i've always seen in him that will give his time out of any day to give a lending hand. I see someone that I can sit with and laugh and be friendly with. I see a social man knowing and admitting to the world what he did in his past was wrong, and puting an end to the way he lead his life before. If I could just ask one thing from this letter, it would be to let this man have the minimal punishment of the law. I have seen criminals in my lifetime, I have known several people that have gone to jail and I could tell you now, this letter of Character would not be written for many of them. Jamie in no way presents himself presently in a criminal way. I hope you take my words about Jamie Greiman into consideration on deciding his sentence, thank you for your time and judgement.

 

I NEED YOUR HELP

THIS IS TO ALL OF YOU WHO KNOW OR HAVE MEET ME .


Dear family and friends,

First off I would like to thank all of you for all your support during this difficult time in my family and mines life. As you all know I did something very stupid a while back and I am truly sorry for what I did and i understand how wrong it was. Well the past 2 1/2 years of trial are now finally coming to an end. I pleaded guilty last week too Two of the 400 counts that I had against me. Under my plea deal I will receive a sentence of no greater than 57 months. If i get into the 500 hr drug program that could bring it down to 47 months. Then at the end of my sentence i should get out 6 months early to go to a halfway house. This would bring my total Time in prison to aprox. 3.5 years. This if the judge and the BOP agree I will spend in a federal prison camp. looks like Sheradin Oregon. This would be the lowest level of security and I would be living in dorm style rooms with no bars or cells. The camp itself would not be surrounded by barbed wire fences ect. I would spend my days working until 2pm and then have the rest of the day for school, working out, ect. Sentencing is scheduled for SEPT 19th. I should then be able to turn myself into prison 2 months after that.


This is what we are all hoping for, and here is where all of you can come in and help me out. Before sentencing the judge and the probation department would like to receive some character letters from the people who know me. I am attaching an outline for the letter I would like you to write for me. Please don't feel like you have to, if you do not want to. Those who do I will be forever grateful. Please put it in your own words.

Please send the letters to ME not my lawyer as stated in the attachment.

Jamie Greiman
311 shepard way
Manteca, Ca 95336

The sooner I can receive these letters the better. The latest I can receive them is mid July. Also fell free to email me or call if you have any questions. Ate the end of the letter please make sure you sign them and include your contact info in case the judge needs to verify or followup on any of them.

ALSO IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE I HAVE NOT LISTED ABOVE COULD YOU PLEASE FORWARD OR PRINT THIS FOR THEM AND PASS IT ON .

I thank you all, and I love you all very much.

Jamie Greiman
209-969-0756


CHARACTER REFERENCE LETTER - OUTLINE

Re: Jamie Greiman

This is only an outline. Please write letters in your own words,
and do not feel you need to structure the letters in the
following order. PLEASE DO NOT DISCUSS FACTS OF THE CASE OR ANY
POLITICAL OPINIONS OR STATEMENTS ABOUT THE FEDERAL DRUG LAWS AND
SENTENCING.

Dear Honorable AK ME FOR THE JUDGES NAME:

Paragraph 1: Introductory paragraph explaining who you are and
reason for writing [sentencing of Jamie Greiman].

Paragraph 2: Long paragraph outlining your contacts,
friendship, acquaintance, history, etc. with
Jamie; frequency of contact; ability to observe
him; duration of acquaintance; relationship to him
and his family.

Paragraph 3: Your opinion, based on facts, regarding his
character, setting forth his virtues, for example,
trustworthy, honest, intelligent, peaceful,
family-oriented, etc.

Paragraph 4: Your knowledge of his history relating to family,
medical, addiction, recovery/rehabilitation, work,
volunteer work, caring for his father, etc.

Paragraph 5: Your recommendation that Jamie be treated with
leniency and given the lowest term allowed under
the law based on mitigating factors known to you,
including, for example: his good character;
volunteer work; rehabilitation; fathers medical
circumstances; lack of any prior criminal history;
exemplary conduct since his release on bail over
two years ago; ability to lead a productive and
law abiding life; and acceptance of
responsibility.

Please send letters to:

Jamie Greiman
311 Shepard way
Manteca Ca. 95336

We hope to
receive letters by July 24, 2006. However, if you cannot
complete the letter by July 24, we can still use the letters if
received at least a week before sentencing, now scheduled for
September 19, 2006 at 2:00.

Thank you.

 

SO YA HAD A BAD DAY

SO YEAH I HAD A BAD DAY. NOT JUST ONE BUT TWO THIS WEEK. MY FIRST BAD DAY WAS TUESDAY WHEN I PLEAD GUILTY TO MY DRUG CHARGES. TALK ABOUT A FUCKED UP BAD DAY THAT WAS. THANK GOD I HAD MY CURRENT BOY FRIEND AND MY EX/BF SLASH BEST FRIEND WITH ME. IT WAS HORRIBLE. WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE TO STAND THERE IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE WHILE HE EXPLAINS EVERY RIGHT I WAS ABOUT TO LOOSE BY PLEADING GUILTY. I WAS SO SCARED AND SAD ON THE STAND I WAS SWEATING BULLETS. MY LAWYERS HAD TO KEEP GIVING ME WATER.. FUCK IT REALLY SUCKED. THEN THEY GAVE ME A SENTENCING DATE OF SEPT. 19TH... AGAIN HOW FUCKED... THATS MY DADS BIRTHDAY... I MEAN HELL HE ALL READY LOST ONE SON ON CHRISTMAS EVE NOW ANOTHER ON HIS BIRTHDAY.. FUCK THAT.. I WILL GET THAT CHANGED. MY LAWYERS SAID I DID VERY WELL ON THE STAND SO WHO KNOWS.. MY BOYFRIEND AND JOSH BOTH WERE SHOCKED HOW SERIOUS AND INTENSE THE ENTIRE PROCESS WAS. TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY LAWYERS INFORMED ME AFTERWARDS THAT I SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN ARRESTED THAT DAY DUE TO THE FACT I WAS PLEADING TO CHARGES THAT CARRY A 20 YEAR SENTENCE. OMFG!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE ME GETTING ARRESTED, THEN AND THERE , AND MY PARENTS NOT BEING THERE TO SAY GOOD BYE? WELL I DIDNT GET ARRESTED THANK GOD. AFTER COURT WE HAD A NICE DINNER AT THE RAIN FOREST CAFE AND WENT HOME . I AM SO THANK FULL AND GREAT FULL I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT WAS THERE FOR ME AND MY BEST FRIEND WHO DROVE FROM BAKERSFIELD THERE WITH ME.. I LOVE YOU BOTH.

MY SECOND BAD DAY WAS YESTERDAY WHEN MY DAD FOUND OUT HE HAD PROSTATE CANCER. WTF CAN MY FAMILY EVER GET ANY GOOD NEWS? MY DAD HAS SURVIVED LUNG CANCER FOR 4 YEARS. NUMEROUS HEART CONDITIONS AND NOW FUCKING THIS. GOD DAMN! GOOD NEWS IS HE CAUGHT THIS EARLY LIKE HIS LUNG CANCER AND IT SHOULD BE TREATABLE. THANK GOD. WELL THIS IS ALL IM GOING TO WRITE NOW.. IM GOING TO GO BACK AND LISTEN OVER AND OVER TO THE SONG " SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY". BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THATS HOW MY LIFE IS GOING. WELL MINE AND MY FAMILIES. HOPEFULLY THIS WEEKEND WILL REJUVINATE US ALL AND WE CAN FINALLY " HAVE A GOOD DAY". SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, THE SPELLING, AND THE GRAMMER IN THIS BLOG, BUT YOU KNOW "IM HAVING A BAD DAY". PEACE OUT- JAMIE



Get this video and more at MySpace.com

 

SPECIAL INVESTIGATION: NERD NETS $1M FR0M RAPE DRUG

ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME WHAT THE HELL I WAS CHARGED WITH. SO TO MAKE IT EASY, AND TO NOT IMPLICATE MYSELF ON ANYTHING. I AM POSTING THIS ARTICLE FROM THE "SUNDAY MAIL" A NEWSPAPER IN SCOTLAND. I AM NOT THE COMPUTER NERD. BUT THE ONE ACCUSED IN THE UNITED STATE. HOPE THIS ANSWERS SOME QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE HAD .
THANKS,
AND I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED - JAMIE


SPECIAL INVESTIGATION: NERD NETS $1M FR0M RAPE DRUG

Jan 23 2005

He made a fortune from his bedroom on his computer

By Russell Findlay, Steve Mckenzie And James Oliver

A BABY-FACED computer nerd is facing extradition to
America after
raking in $1million from online drug deals.

David Calder, 24, used the computer in his bedroom
in Aberdeen to amass
a fortune selling a chemical used to make date rape
drug GHB on the
internet.

But now he faces five years in a US prison and has
had his dirty
fortune seized by investigators in Scotland.

As well as his home, cars and bank accounts The
Civil Recovery Unit has
also confiscated Calder's prized possessions - a
boxing glove once
owned by Muhammad Ali and a Terminator poster signed
by Arnold
Schwarzenegger.

They even took his 950 state-of-the-art Dyson
washing machine.

One investigator said: 'They stripped him of
everything of value. He's
not even been left with a washing machine to launder
his money.

'It may have hurt to see his possessions being taken
away but I'm sure
the thought of doing time in a US jail is much more
terrifying.'

Over three years Calder transported thousands of
litres of the chemical
gamma butyrolactone (GBL) to co-accused Jamie
Greiman in California.

The GBL sold by Calder to Greiman was enough to make
a staggering
17,730 litres - almost 4000 gallons - of gamma
hydroxy butyrate (GHB).

It's used as a recreational drug and by sexual
predators to drug and
rape their victims.

Next month Calder will appear before judges at the
Court of Session in
Edinburgh who will decide whether to extradite him
to face trial in San
Francisco.

The US made GBL illegal in 2000 as its main use was
to make GHB - but
the chemical remains legal in Britain, even though
GHB has been
categorised as a class C drug.

The Americans argue that Calder knew that it was
illegal to export GBL
to the US.

They also claim he instructed others in how to make
GHB and knew what
they intended to use it for.

Between August 2001 and March 2004, Calder sent
dozens of consignments
of GBL to Greiman in the US.

American court documents obtained by the Sunday Mail
reveal the full
extent of Calder's bedroom drugs cartel.

The indictment against Calder and Greiman, who
operated using 15
aliases, contains 377 separate counts.

Calder usually sent the liquid in five or 10 litre
amounts to Greiman
at addresses in California, New York and New Jersey.

The court papers also shows a record of 80 payments
made in dollars
sent to Calder in Aberdeen, both electronically and
by post. US
Attorney Kevin V. Ryan will argue that the total
value of laundered
funds was up to $1million.

In June the Civil Recovery Unit was granted
permission to recover the
proceeds of Calder's internet drugs business.

He was freed from a Scottish prison in July in
advance of his
extradition hearing.

Inland Revenue records show his total declared
income between 1997 and
2001 was just 64,581 but he has paid no tax since,
though accountants
hired by the CRU found that between 2001 and 2004
around 143,360 was
paid into Calder's traceable bank accounts.

They have now frozen his Aberdeen home, eight bank
accounts and around
2500 in cash - both in sterling and in dollars.

They have also seized his 50,000TVR sports car with
private
registration, 28,000 BMW coup and a powerful
motorbike.

Also confiscated was Calder's Breitling watch -
which cost him almost
2800 - electrical goods and a leather suite.

This week Calder refused to comment as he left his
Aberdeen home
driving a battered P-reg Vauxhall.

Calder was born in Buckie to grocery shop manager
dad Norman and mum
Iris who divorced in 1997. He bought his mother's
home in Aberdeen's
Belmont Gardens from her in 1997 for 76,250.

The UK passed a new extradition law in 2003 and
thanks to the 9/11
terror attacks struck a special treaty with the US.

Last night a Crown Office spokeswoman refused to
comment on the Calder
case.

What cops seized

..Calder ran his empire from his home in Aberdeen's
Belmont Gardens
which he bought from his mother for 76,000 in 1997
when he was only 16

..Calder bought his powerful motorbike for 4500 in
March last year

..The BMW coup was another of Calder's stable of
fast cars

..Calder loved fast cars and his flash TVR Griffith -
which boasted a
private registration - cost 50,000. Every car is
hand-built to the
customer's own specification

..Fight fan Calder counts a boxing glove once owned
by 'The Greatest' -
Muhammad Ali - as one of his most prized possessions

..Posh Breitling watch has a 2700 price tag

..This poster from hit film Terminator is signed by
star Arnie and is
Calder's pride and joy

..Calder is having to wash his dirty linen without
the help of his
top-of-the-range Dyson washing machine which cost
almost 1000

YOSEMITE PHOTO BLOG

THIS IS A PICTURE BLOG OF MY DAY IN YOSEMITE YESTERDAY. TO VIEW THE PICTURES JUST SCROLL OVER THE WORDS TO SEE IF THERE IS A PICTURE ATTACHED. EXAMPLE ,CLICK ON THE WORD BLOG.

Well yesterday was an awesome day one of my best friends ERIC and his dog Rocket, drove down from the Bay Area Sunday. To come stay the night and go to YOSEMITE with me and the "The New Boi".

We woke up around 8am and made the hour and a half drive there. We we entered the park boundries it was cold and foggy. Snow every where. We were a little bumbed out and as we drove closer to the valley the snow disapeared and it warmed up. The first place we stoped was the overlook that lets ya check out the entire YOSEMITE VALLEY as you drive in. After stopping there we continued down into the valley floor and our first stop was Bridalviel Falls. Me and the "New Boi" had our PICTURE taken by the Stream under the falls. Our next stop was a view across the meadow of Yosemite Falls. After that we ate and decided to take a hike to the Bottom of the falls. We took pictures the "new boi" Relaxed. I had my 19th SMOKE of the day. After that we took some "Pretty Pictures" of One another. Then drove home, all in all it was a great day. Hope ya like the pics.

later, Jamie

 

PUPPY LOVE , FUCKED FRIENDS, AND WORKING IT OUT!

PUPPY LOVE OK where do I begin? Well the old boyhttp://homepage.mac.com/sfdjme/.Pictures/myspace images/jjjfwBB.jpg is out, as in no longer wanting to be even a friend in my life. Sucks ass, all get to that next. Good news though! WHOO HOOO there is a new boy in my Lifers. Met him on here, lol go figure. He is a little old for me 21, lol j/k. He is 21 but thats so not too old for me. Not going to out him on myspace.com so I will just refer to him as" the new boy". I mean new in more ways than on. Well he is new to the whole gay thing to begin with. Yes I was his first gay hook up. Now Im his first gay B/F. He is so fucking awesome and nice. Such a nice change from the old boy. We have spent like every night for the past 2 weeks together. It is nice not only to have him as a b/f, but also that he is someone local and not three hours away. Ive introduced him to the folks, they like him. Though I still do lie about new b/fs when it comes to there ages.. Lol dont want to freak my parents out to much.. So I told him to say he was a few years older than he is . no biggie, my parents would accept either way. Any one who knows my parents know they ROCK. Everyone loves my parents.http://homepage.mac.com/sfdjme/.Pictures/myspace images/JANEMISSIOWAaloneweb.jpg http://homepage.mac.com/sfdjme/.Pictures/myspace images/CORKYDAD.jpg Hell, you would have thought they were ex hippies, how cool they are and accepting of everything I do. So back to the new boy

*****Breaking Blog News******
SORRY NEW BOY, BUT I GOT TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST. So I am typing this new blog and I get a text out of the blue from the old boy. The text reads " FUCK OFF DO NOT CALL OR TEXT ME AGAIN'. I think, wow omg. The last text I sent the old boy read "Josh its cool you have a b/f no worries just trying to remain your friend we talked hours every day and I have been there for every little worry or problem you have had no matter what time of day or who I am with. I just had a family member die and I am feeling down. Just dont want to be sad thinking I lost you as a friend also". So that got me the text from him " FUCK OFF DO NOT CALL OR TEXT ME AGAIN". So I text him back "wow josh how fucked is this. I listen to you all hours of the day bitch about Walmart and your new b/f having a b/f and I am down one night and ask to talk to you and you tell me to fuck off? OMG". I get a text back from him that reads " P.S. LOVE JOHNNY". Ok explains everything somewat. The "old boys" new B/F feels totally threatened by me even though the "old boys" new B/F has a B/F that he lives with. LOL "STAY WITH ME" Back to Josh, so anyone that has read my other blogs knows I loved Josh to death. But after the last fight we had I realized we made better friends. Everything was great, talking hours every day on the phone about our new B/Fs blah blah blah. A few days ago the old bois new b/f Imd me and said "hell leave josh alone and quit talking to him. I do not want you guys to be friends" I text back "whatever seems like Josh has made a choice between me and you. Maybe you should make a choice between Josh and the guy you fuck and sleep with every night. While josh sleeps alone. Its not fair to josh". Now I said all this to the old boys new b/f not to piss him off, but just to look out for Josh. Who I considered one of my closest friends.. I mean hell how many of you talk to someone 3 hrs a day and not consider them close? My bad I guess.. So Im tired of talking about the "old boy" drama. Im sure you are all tired of it also, either that or I lost ya way back in the story. LOL

Back to puppy love- So I am starting to feel bad talking about the "old boy" so much when I have an awesome "new boy" I should be talking about. But I see it this way, and god I hope this doesnt come out wrong. Lets say you loose your old family pet and ya get a new pet. Just cause ya have a new pet doesnt mean ya still do not care or think about the old pet, that brought ya so much joy. I SO HOPE THAT DOESNT COME ACROSS AS BAD. But that was the closest analogy I could think of. So me and the "new boy" have hit it off really well. He is so great and he has made my life so happy. Especially now when I need someone there for me more than ever. "tick tock, tick tock" I think I have like 4 months left. Check my blog counter to get the exact date. My best friend larry even told him the other day, " god I have not seen Jamie this happy in a long time". So it must be a good thing.

OK IM BLOGGED OUT. I WILL CONTINUE THIS BLOG SOON. THANKS FOR THE EAR. AND I LOVE WHEN YA COMMENT. TAKE CARE- JAMIE

 

OPTION NUMBER 2

 WELL AFTER MUCH SOUL SEARCHING I HAVE CHOSEN OPTION NUMBER 2. FROM MY LATEST BLOG "DEAL OR NO DEAL". WHAT WAS THE DECIDING FACTOR? WELL I GOT A CALL FROM THE RED CROSS THIS MORNING . THEY SAID THEY HAD AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. THAT OPPORTUNITY WAS TO BE A PROJECT MANAGER IMPLIMENTING A NEW CREDIT CARD BASSED CLIET ASSISTANCE PROGRAM. BEING IN BAKERSFIELD AND NEW ORLEANS FOR SO MANY WEEKS I HAD EXCELLENT KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THESE CARDS WORK AND THE COMPUTER PROGRAMS AND SYSTEMS NEEDED FOR THEM. SO I'LL BE TRAINING THE ENTIRE CHAPTER ON HOW TO USE THE SYSTEM AND THE CARDS. I ALSO WILL BE MANAGING THE ENTIRE PROGRAM. SO DRIVING HOME IT DAWNED ON ME. I AM NOT A FUCK UP, I AM NOT THIS EVIL PERSON, I AM VERY GOOD AT EVERY JOB I DO AND I AM ALWAYS WELL LIKED WHERE EVER I GO. SO IF I HAD CHOSEN OPTION NUMBER 1, THE JUDGE WOULD NOT HAVE GOT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS. HE WOULD NOT GET TO HEAR HOW I AM A GREAT SON, AN AWESOME RELATIVE, NEIGHBOR, CO WORKER, ECT.. THE JUDGE WOULDNT GET TO HEAR FROM THESE PEOPLE EITHER BEFORE HE MAKES HIS DECION. THE JUDGE WOULDNT HAVE GOT TO HEAR ABOUT MY ADDICTION THAT GOT ME IN THIS MESS. SO I SAID FUCK IT, THE JUDGE AND THE WORLD, NEEDS TO SEE THE REAL ME THAT MOST OF YOU KNOW IS THERE. SO I AM TAKING A RISK AND CHOOSING OPTION 2. IN THE NEXT 3 MONTHS I WILL BE ASKING FOR MORE AND MORE FROM YOU MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I WILL BE NEEDING LETTERS OF SUPPORT FROM YOU FOR THE JUDGE. I WILL BE HOPING THAT ALOT OF YOU GUYS CAN APPEAR AT MY SENTENCING HEARING TO SHOW THAT I HAVE FULL SUPPORT OF MY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND COMMUNITY. IF ONE DAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE CAN HELP MAYBE JUST TAKE 6 MONTHS OR EVEN A YEAR OFF MY SENTENCE I THINK IT WILL BE AN AWESOME THING AND I WILL FOREVER BE GREATFULL TO YOU. SO I'LL KEEP YA POSTED ON WHAT I WILL NEED AND WHEN THE HEARING WILL BE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT

DEAL OR NO DEAL ?

DEAL OR NO DEAL??>?>?>?>?>?>?>?>

OK . Here is the deal I received today and would like some thoughts on what I should do. So here they are:

Choice #1years. If I agree on this plea I should qualify for a drug
program,500 hrs, to take while in prison.This will take one year off my time. Bringing the time to serve now to 3.9 years.Completing this program also allows me to live in a half way house for
6 months. So now we are at a total of 3.3 years needed to serve. If I agree to this option my lawyers will not have the opportunity to argue any mitigatingcircumstances to persuade the judge to impose a lesser of the recommended 57months. But I will be guaranteed the most being 57 months.

Choice#2- Agree to a locked sentence of 57 months to 71 months. But have the opportunity to argue to the judge for a lesser sentence. This would allow my lawyers to argue before the Judge my background(good), my criminal history(none), my work with the AMERICAN RED CROSS(great), my dads health(lung cancer, heart trouble,ect.) and to hear from neighbors, friends, family, and anyone else who would want to change the judges mind. Now this would also still get me the year off for the drug program and the 6 months halfway house. So may sentence down to lets say 2.3 years. The only thing is if we do this the prosecutor also has the opportunity to ask for an increased sentence up to 71 months almost an extra 2years. So it is a big risk. If I loose any arguments with the prosecutor and the Judge . If we loose then they can give me up to the 71 months not the locked in 57 months.

BIG RISK. BIG DECIESION, LAWYERS TELL ME TO GO FOR IT.

So the question I ask you, my friends, family, tricks, and fellow blogers is this:

Wtf would you guys do? Its like that show,DEAL OR NO DEAL. I need some advice I must know by Monday. Please leave me a blog comment on what I should do.

Thanks- Jamie

 

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, A FIREMAN,9-11, and FOUR LEAF CLOVERS

WHEN I WAS YOUNG-
So the slide show above is all pictures taken of me when I was between 17 and 23. God damn when I see those pics I so wish I could be that age again.
Hell I had a nice body, hot as hell, and an entire life ahead of me. God it's every gay guys wish to be young and attractive. The older you get the more you loose that.
Well maybe not, I guess it all depends on what and who you are attracted to. But in the gay world, youth and good looks, seem to be what is considered hot. I think I
still got the looks, but I do wish I had the looks I had back then. I guess thats just not a gay thing but a unviversal feeling with anyone getting older. So besides looking
better when we are younger, you also have your entire life ahead of you. Yes I know 35 is not old to most of us. But if I could just go back in time, knowing what I know
now about life. Trust, there would be some major changes as to where my life is today. I remember being 18 and thinking OMG 35 is so old. But you know whats
strange? I don't feel old inside. I feel like I have the same energy and drive I had when I was 18. Maybe thats why I am attracted to guys younger than me. Or maybe it's because 19
was the age my brother died. Who knows maybe I'm still searching for that brother I lost so many years ago. Wow, thats a deep thought. Now i look at guys between 43 and 47 and think
damn thats old. (sorry if your in that age range). I think to myself, my god thats prolly going to be my age when I get out of Prison. Im going to be that 43 or 47 year old guy I ignore
in chat rooms because I think he is to old. But only time can tell and if I'm still dating guys now that are 10 years younger than me. I guess it will still be the same when I get out.

Speaking of which....Here is a hot story I am going to share. Homophobes and family members may want to skip to the next paragraph..LOL

FIREMAN-
So this weekend I took my 2 day Red Cross instructor course. I am now a certified Red Cross Instructor on top of all ready being a Red Cross client service supervisor. I now am certified to
teach everything from Shelter Operations, Mass Care, even aviation disasters. So, your probably saying " Big Fucking deal" about now. But keep reading it gets interesting

.. So there is this HOT 22 year old Fireman in the class also who happens to live in my town. During breaks and lunches we share stories about being in LA after Katrina, ect.
He keeps having to bring up how many hot girls he banged in each conversation. I go along by saying things like, " thats fucken hot bro, damn your lucky". So the next day we get certified
and he ask if i could give him a ride home. I'm like, "sure why not". The conversation on the way home is the same as it has been the past 2 days, talks about all the hot girls this guy has banged.
All of a sudden he looks at me and says " damn dude see those girls in that car we passed? Slow down so they can get beside us." Im like, "ok". Trying to act as straight as possible and look interested
in the skankey blonde bimbos we are driving next to. "yeah they are fucking hot" i say. So I drop him off at home and we shake hands and thats the last I fell i will ever see this boy..
No biggie, at least it was some good eye candy on the way home.

WRONG!!!!!

So 11pm last night I get this call from the Hot 22 year old Fireman. "he bro ya want to come over and have some beers?" he says.
This just weirds me out cause this boy is so fucking straight looking and acting, there must be no way he is thinking what I am thinking.
So I tell him ill call Him back. I chicken out and decide to just fucking text him.
I text him, " Hey bro you do know I am gay don't ya?"..
I wait 10 minutes, still no reply..
Then he texts me back, " Really you are? Do you got a big dick?"
FUCK YEAH, I THINK TO MYSELF. I'TS ON.
Well I just dropped off the hot straight 22 year old fireman 12 hrs later.
OMFG was it hot.Though he still talked alot about the chicks he has banged.. The boy could ..... like the best of them. WHOO HOOO.
P.S.- He asked me "if he could leave his change off clothes in my car", when I dropped him off and said he would get them from me later.. So guess it will be another happy night. LOL

NOW TO 9-11
Well I went to court on tuesday and got a date for my trial. Of all fucking days. My trial, if it goes to that, is set for Sept.11. WTF is this a joke I thought when the judge said it. So I'll be out of prison
at least through the summer to work for the RED CROSS. My sentince is looking like its not going to be under the 5 Years I had gotten so happy about. I'll keep you updated on that later.

FOUR LEAF CLOVERS-
They are said to bring good luck and happiness. Well I'm happy because my friend is, just that. A friend again to me. Nothing more, but his friendship means a lot to me and It took him
not speaking to me for 10 days to realize how much better of a friend he makes, than any boyfriend I was wanting him to be. Friends are forever. At least the good ones are.

well thats all of my rambling tonight,

Take care-Jamie

 

JELLYFISH, LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP LOST

Well here I go, I'm going to try to get through writing this Blog with a level head. Well this weekend started out fantastic! Friday night my "boi" as I called him in recent Blogs came down all the way from Bakersfield to see me. Friday night we had a nice Italian dinner and then hung out at one of my friends house for a while. It was so great to see him and be around him.(back what happened over the weekend in a minute)

He has meant so much to me over the past three months. We talked on the phone sometimes 8 times a day. He always made sure I was the first voice I heard in the morning and the last one I heard when I went to bed. With all the stress and uncertainty in my life this ment MORE than anyone could possible Imagine to me. Over the phone we talked about everything. We helped each other get through difficult moments in our lives and shared the joys of the good times. I never realized that the power of conversation could be so great on ones outlook on life. This 'boi" really meant the world to me. He made me so happy to have someone I could count on when I needed someone most. I always wanted to make sure he was happy. Anyone who knows me knows I love to make others happy, usually before myself. So I loved to take him out to different places when I could. Our first time out was actually in SF on New Years Eve. The memory I have will last a life time from that night. It was so awesome to actually have someone to kiss when midnight struck. We did this surrounded by thousands of people near the bay. Midnight struck and fireworks lit up the San Francisco skyline.There we were surrounded by thousands of mostly straight people and we kissed. If that doesn't make ya fall for someone, I don't know what will? After that date we continued to talk on the phone and my "boi" told me one night that "he was sorry but we will always only be friends, that he is to young for me and does not want to get attatched and have his heart broken by me. Due to the fact I am going to be going to prison soon. This was a pain full blow but I decided, "what the hell at least I will have a great friend". So as time went on, we would usually see each other about every two or three weeks. I took him and His wife/best friend to San Francisco for his birthday. I drove to Bakersfield a couple more times in the month and always got a room for the weekend and always made sure we would go out and have a nice dinner or a movie. These times were AWESOME for the most part, but a lot of people don't realize I break down sometimes and just cry and think about my future. This would usually happen at the end of our weekends. But josh was always there for me with a hug and understanding, assuring me that it will be ok. WOW, this coming from a 20 year old boy. The maturity he had while dealing with my pain was really amazing. So you can probably see how I started to like the boy more and more each day. Though we would talk about it and I always assured him, " I know we are just friends and I don't blame ya for not wanting to be my boyfriend"..This is true and I still feel this way. The only problem was to me he was my boyfriend ,I just wasn't his. Which I have explained to him many times and I thought it was like a little joke. I'm not crazy I knew he wasn't my boyfriend but it was nice to think of him as the closest thing I had to one. I sent him Valentines gifts, birthday gifts, ect. Just to make sure he would be happy. Never expecting anything in return but his friendship that had given me more joy than anyone can imagine.

So back to what happened over the weekend. We went to bed Friday night and it was so awesome just to be able to hold another person while he fell asleep in my arms. That has to be the most AWESOME feeling there is in life, and one I will not be able to experience in a long, long time. We woke up and my parents gave me money to make sure we both could get a hotel for the night and have a nice dinner, ect. My dad even let us take his Durango for the trip, going as far as to wash it before we took off. So things seem to be going great. We talk all the way their, stop for lunch, and arrive in Monterey. We get a room and then head out to Cannery Row to look around the shops and visit the Aquarium. After that we go to the Warf and have a nice dinner with an Awesome view of the ocean. We go back to the room and he decides we should rent a straight porn to watch in the room. I'm thinking cool, this is hot even though we are gay,lol. We watch the movie laughing getting turned on ect I won't go into any more details about it except the fact that" of course this would turn me on and of course sex was something I wanted to do with this guy I cared for more than anything". HERE IS WHERE I TAKE BLAME AND HATE MYSELF FOR DOING WHAT I DID. Instead of talking about the reason for not wanting to have sex. I decide to just get pissed off and give him the cold shoulder. I kept saying "nothing is wrong".. getting up out of bed all pissed off. Drinking way too much Vodka and still being a baby instead of asking him and talking about what was the problem. I REALIZE NOW I KNEW WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT TO MYSELF WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. That was that he had always wanted us just to be friends and even though we have had sex every time in the past. I assume he felt this would be a good trip to test out the whole we are just friends thing.. Which I never wanted to admit to myself because I was so happy pretending and wishing we were more than that. So, I storm out of the room and walk around and decide that I need to at least hold him while we sleep, again the one thing I love more than sex. We wake up the next morning and I get mad again about the whole sex thing. We get in the car and me acting like a child, does not say a word the entire way home until we get about 5 minutes from my house. I was to afraid to know and here the truth about why we didn't do anything so we briefly explained ourselves and I apologized for my actions. Gave each other hugs and said we would see each other again. He promised he would call me half way home and I said see ya.. About an hour had passed and I realized how much of an ass I had been. I texed him saying, "sorry you did not have a good weekend. I guess I just need to learn to quit making you love me. God knows I have tried. Thanks for being my friend. WELL hours and hours pass and I start getting worried. I call and call and call and call and call and tex and tex and tex. Yes prolly looked like a freak but there is one thing I can't stand is not knowing if someone is safe or not knowing why they are mad at me. So later that night I get a Text that's says " I am fine". Wow thank god. Now thoughts turned to WTF is wrong then? More calls and calls. Nothing. I wake up the next day no answeres to my calls or texs again. Finally I call and his number has been changed. OH THE HEARTBREAK , HERE IS SOMEONE I HAVE TALKED TO EVERY MORNINNG AND AT LEATS 5 MORE TIMES THROUGH OUT THE DAY. It tore me up inside. Here is the person that meant so much to me and now he was erasing me out of my life. Yeas I cried and cried all day . I finally got this message from him that night

"Hey Jamie, I'm sorry if this is making you cry. You've been kind of wierding me out. I feel like you like me too much. I can't believe you got mad because I didn't have sex with you. I just think that you are very bad for me. You drink 24/7 which is not something that interests me at all. You say you want to spend all this time with me but everytime we do you end up getting into an argument with me or you become upset about something. I know that you have a lot to be up set over and I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel bad about your future. But it's just too much for me to handle at this time in my life. I have other things in my life to worrie about. It's not that I don't think that we were good friends, I just am not capable of dealing with this at this time in my life. I've been telling you that I'm not as attached to you as you are to me. I've told you that I will not allow myself to do so."..

WOWI just scared the one person who MEANT so much to me, away for good.. More sadness.

So this is what I replied to him

"IM SORRY BUT MY GOD . WE WERE GREAT FRIENDS AND I NEED YOU I CAN ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE AS CLOSE TO ME AS ME OF YOU.. BUT MY GOD I THOUGHT WE GAVE SOMETHING TO EACH OTHERS LIVES, I CAN HANDLE US BEING FRIENDS AND I REALLY NEED THAT IN MY LIFE. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT . I DIDN'T MEAN TO FREAK YOU OUT. BUT HELL YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT I AM FEELING.. YOU WANT ME TO QUIT DRINKING TO BE YOUR FRIEND I WOULD DO THAT. I DRINK TO ERASE THE PAIN IN MY LIFE ,CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN .. AND I THOUGHT YOU REALIZED THAT AND WERE WILLING TO STILL BE MY FRIEND.. AS CLOSE AS WE WERE I CANT BELIEVE I FREAKED YOU OUT, CAUSE I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT LOOSING OUR FRIENDSHIP. MY GOD . YOU HAVE FELT WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.. AND I HAVE BEEN THERE TO HELP YOU WITH EVERY PROBLEM THAT HAS COME UP IN YOUR LIFE.. WHY CANT YOU STILL BE THERE FOR ME .. GOD YOU COULD AT LEAST TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT . THATS WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO.. FUCK THE SEX. I NEED YOUR FRIENDSHIP.. DO YOU EVEN HAVE A HEART TO CARE FOR ME THAT WAY,, I MEAN HELL I HAVE THANKED YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY DRAMA SO MANY TIMES. WHAT HAS CHANGED NOW. I REaLLY NEED YA IN MY LIFE BUDDIE....AS A FRIEND... GOD DAMN. IM SORRY FOR WEIRDING YOU OUT BUT I REALLY NEED YOUR FRIENDSHIP. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO BAD IN MY LIFE LOOSING YOURS. AND IM SURE I HAVE TOUCHED YOUR LIFE IN SOME WAY. SO IF YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO BE MY FRIEND I WOULD APRECIATE IT SO MUCH CAUSE LIFE IS SO SAD WITHOUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP.. AGAIN YOU REALIZE THE FEELING.. SORRY SORRY SORRY, PLEASE BLOCK YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND JUST SAY HI TO ME OK.. I NEED THAT OK ..

(so yes I may have sounded a little crazy in my reply. But I really don't want to loose him as a friend)

SO this is where my friendship has ended with the person that has giving me so much happiness. I can only blame myself and I know this is what im going to expect with anyone that wants to get close to me now until I go to prison. Which now looks like for sure August or September. I am feeling so much pain cause I cared to much for someone, go figure. I would do anything to take back that night and just have my friend back. I know my life is intense but hell he has put up and helped me through so much of it I don't understand why he can't for a few more months? But ya can't make someone care for ya. Obviously ya can make them not care for you. I have learned the hard way . So all I can do is wait and see if he has a change of heart. And let him know I am here for him. ..

Anyone that has taken the time to read this to the end .. is a true friend. Please leave me a comment. I hope someday soon my friend and I can be friends again. I still have my alarm set for 7am in the hops he will call, like he has every day for the last few months.. Thanks for listening. Jamie
your friends

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

So last night i did something normal..LOl.. You need to first realize, nothing in my life is normal. I don't have a normal relationship, i don't have a normal life, no normal job, and no normal out look on life. So when little bits of normalcy happen it's is so not normal to me. So last night I had a had training with the Red Cross.. It was on the Avian Bird Flu. For those of you who may not know I am a client services Supervisor with the Red Cross. I spent almost 3 months last year dealing with Hurricane Katrina. I was away for 3 months in New Orleans, Baton rouge, oh and Bakersfield..lol. I love the work I do with the Red Cross and they obviously love the work I do for me to be promoted to supervisor. I actually was a manager at the call center for disaster assistance in Bakersfield. So lots of you know my legal situation I'm sure. I sorta dropped out of the Red Cross stuff for a month while I was trying to figure out what is going on with my case.. Last week i get this call from them saying how great I am and such and that they want me to be an instructor, to teach the client/family services class. I was hesitant to do it not knowing how much longer I have in the outside world. But then I thought hell its all ready been 2 years of court I have been going through, who can say It may not be another year of it? So if I can do any good while im still out, then why not. Everything in life, believe it or not, does happen for a reason.. You may not realize it at the time it happens, but as you get older it really does all come clear. So there is obviously some reason that Red Cross and me have crossed paths. So if it is my destiny or what ever ya want to call it to train hundreds of people how to help care for thousands of displaced families than maybe thats the reason alot of shit in my life has happened.. Who knows, only time will tell. Working with the Red Cross made it possible for me to meet on of the greatest guys in my life, Josh. So hell maybe thats the reason. I do not know nor will i know anytime soon. But again, everything in life happens for a reason. You don't have to be deeply religous to realize this.. I guess the older you get the more you can see its true. So thats my blog for today. Im spending the weekend with my "boi". We are going to yosemite. Wooo Hooo! He just lost a friend of his the other day and i feel bad.. She was only 18 and died in a car accident. I feel really bad, and hell I know the pain.. My brother died in an accident about the same age.. So i'm trying to be there for him, and I hope this weekend will make him feel better.. SO peace out. If ya read this do me a favor. At least leave me a comment. they mean a lot. Jamie

p.s no new legal news. I will keep ya updated when that happens.

NEGOTIATE THE ONE WORD I NEVER WANTED TO HEAR

WELL TODAY I GOT A CALL I HAVE NOT WANTED TO RECIEVE IN 2 YEARS. NOW ITS NOT A FINAL CALL BUT ITS A CALL THAT REALLY HAS ME DOWN. AFTER TWO YEARS OF LEGAL FIGHTING MY LAWYERS CALLED TODAY TO INFORM ME THAT WE SHOULD KNOW NEXT WEEK IF THE LAST OF MY LEGAL ARGUMENTS HAS BEEN APPROVED OR DENIED BY THE JUDGE.. IF THEYE ARE APPROVED,THEN IM FOR SURE GOING TO BE OUT FOR ,HELL, ANOTHER 6 MONTHS. BUT THE THING THAT REALLY GOT ME DEPRESSED WAS WHEN THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE GOING TO SET UP A MEETING WITH THE PROSICUTOR TO NEGOTIATE.. THAT WORD BRINGS FEAR, DEPRESSION, SADNESS, UNCERTANTY, FINALIZATION, ANXIETY, EVERY IMAGINABLE NEGATIVE EMOTION I COULD POSSIBLE FEEL. YOU SEE THE WORD NEGOTIATE MEANS THAT WELL, MY LAWYERS ARE AT A POINT WHERE THEY HAVE PRETTY MUCH ARGUED EVERYTHING THEY COULD AND WELL THAT ITS TIME TO TRY AND GET ME THE BEST DEAL POSSIBLE, WHICH MEANS THAT INSTEAD OF MY LAWYERS HAVING THE UPPER HAND THE PROSICUTOR DOES AND MY LAWYERS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO NEGOTIATE TO GET THE BEST DEAL POSSIBLE. INSTEAD OF IT BEING THE OTHER WAY AROUND.. THIS ALSO MEANS THAT I NOW AM REALIZING THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO BE MOVING SOONER THAN LATER FOR ME. HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE? WHO KNOWS, BUT THE REALLITY IS ITS NOT LONG ENOUGH AND I HAVE ALOT LESS THAN ANYONE WOULD HOPE FOR. WHO KNOWS 3 MONTHS , 4 MONTHS, I DON'T KNOW BUT THINGS ARE DEFFINATLY GOING TO BE MOVING MORE QUICKLY AND I NEED TO START LIVING AND DOING EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO. OF COURSE I HAVE TO SAY THIS "FOR A CRIME I DIDN'T DO". SO I'LL KEEP YA POSTED AND LET YA ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WEEK. IN THE MEAN TIME I WILL TRY AND ENJOY LIFE AND THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY.. LIKE MY FAMILY, MY PETS, MY FRIENDS AND JOSH.

WHY THE FUCK DO I LISTEN TO THIS SHIT

WHY THE FUCK DO I LISTEN TO THIS SHIT.. I DON'T KNOW IF IT PUTS ME IN A BETTER MOOD OR MAKES ME FUCKING DEPRESSED. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE.. HELL IT ENDS IN TRAGEDY. I GUESS THATS THE STORY OF MY LIFE THOUGH. ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THAT FAIRY TALE ROMANCE ONLY TO HAVE IT CRASH DOWN ON ME IN THE END..LOL.. I GUESS I JUST NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT I HAVE AND BE HAPPY WITH IT. CAUSE IT AINT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER ANYTIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE..TRUST! IM IN A WEIRD MOOD TODAY. YETERDAY BEING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL. MORNING STARTED OUT GREAT, GOT A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TEXT AND PHONE CALL FROM SOMEONE I DIDN'T EXPECT TO EVEN TAKE THAT MUCH EFFORT TO DO. WELL NOT THE TEXT AND THE PHONE CALL, GET THOSE EVERY DAY. BUT THE HAPPY VALENTINES DAY WAS A NICE SUPRISE. THOUGH I KNOW IT DIDNT HAVE THE MEANING I WISH IT DID.:-( AS THE DAY WENT ON MY HAPPINESS WENT FROM GOOD TO BAD.. HOLLIDAYS ARE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE FOR ME LATELY. KNOWING THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I GET TO SPEND EATING WITH MY PARENTS ON THERE ANNIVERSARY, OR THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE TO FIND THAT SPECIAL PERSON TO BE MY VALENTINE AND IT JUST WASN'T HOW I HAD HOPED IT WOULD HAVE BEEN. SO I WILL BE FINE IM SURE. JUST NEED TO LEARN TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I GOT AND ENJOY WHAT TIME I HAVE.. THANKS FOR READING JAMIE


[Ewan:]
Love is a many splendored thing,
Love lifts us up where we belong,
All you need is love!
[Nicole:]
Please, don't start that again
[Ewan:]
All you need is love!
[Nicole:]
A girl has got to eat!
[Ewan:]
All you need is love!
[Nicole:]
She'll end up on the street! (sigh)
[Ewan:]
All you need is looooove!
[Nicole:]
Love is just a game.
[Ewan:]
I was made for loving you baby,
You were made for loving me.
[Nicole:]
The only way of loving me baby,
Is to pay a lovely fee.
[Ewan:]
Just one night,
Give me just one night.
[Nicole:]
There's no way,
Cause you can't pay.
[Ewan:]
In the name of love!
One night in the name of love!
[Nicole:]
You crazy fool,
I won't give in to you.
[Ewan:]
Don't, leave me this way.
I can't survive, without your sweet love,
Oh baby, don't leave me this way.
[Nicole:]
You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...
[Ewan:]
I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no.
[Nicole:]
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
[Ewan:]
Well what's wrong with that?
I like to know.
Cause here I go... again...
Love lifts us up where we belong!
Where eagles fly,
On a mountain high!
[Nicole:]
Love makes us act like we are fools.
Throw our lives away,
For one happy day.
[Ewan:]
We could be heroes...
Just for one day.
[Nicole:]
You, you will be mean.
[Ewan:]
No, I won't.
[Nicole:]
(sigh) And I, I'll drink all the time.
[Ewan:]
We should be lovers...
[Nicole:]
We can't do that.
[Ewan:]
We should be lovers!
And that's a fact.
Though nothing, would keep us together.
[Ewan:]
We could steal time...
[Ewan & Nicole:]
Just for one day.
We could be heroes,
Forever and ever,
We could be heroes,
Forever and ever,
We can be heroes...
[Ewan:]
Just because I... will always love you...
[Nicole:]
I...
[Ewan & Nicole:]
...Can't help loving...
[Ewan:]
...You...
[Nicole:]
How wonderful life is,
[Ewan and Nicole:]
Now you're in, the world...

(Opera man singing...) 

GREETINGS FROM BAKERSFIELD

OK. Here is an update to my last blog. Well my mood is way upbeat today.. YEAH!.. Just spent the weekend in Bakersfield with this Boi I care the world for. Just being around him lifted my mood tremendously. It's awesome how a person can do that to ya. I got a hotel room and we just hung out and "stuff". We went out to eat at a steak house, Tahoe Joes, good food. We also saw the movie WHEN A STRANGER CALLS, pretty good flick. Though I swear I was the oldest guy in the theater, lol, full of screaming 15-17 year old kids. My court shit is still going on and on, it will be 2 years this march that it all began. Sill not sure when it will all end, anywhere from a few months to a year. So today my mood is good. Im trying to take the advise some of you gave me and I'm trying not to dwell on the eventual outcome. Im just trying to enjoy each day with my family and my friends. i do have the occasional break downs, god those are not pretty. I can break down really bad at simple thoughts of the future and what I'm going to miss out on. This happened last night but I had my "boi" be there for me . I'll call him that from now on in my blogs for lack of a better word and cause I think its sounds cute. He prolly wouldn't want me calling him that or reffering to him in that way, but it puts a smile on my face, so I think he would understand. Though he isn't really mine, we are not b/f's, and unfortunetly I know we never will be. But at this junction of my life he is the closest thing I have to one and it's great to feel for someone like I do him. I believe he is cool with that and I know we are just great friends. I can't blame him for not wanting to get to close to me. Hell who would, when ya know whats going to happen to me in a few months or so? I've searched 2 years for someone who would accept my friendship knowing my future and so far he has been the most accepting of anyone. I thank him for that every chance I get.. But I understand how he doesn't want to get hurt in the end.. So it's cool with me, well I really don't have a choice, that he dates other guys and searches for that true love, all us humans want. Plus the distance between us is so far and are ages are just a few years apart,15, lol. So having him as a great friend is cool, though who wouldn't wish for more. But there are just too many things preventing that. Im wondering, " god am i making any sense tonight lol. and should I really post this?" oh well thats what blogs are for, rambling thoughts. Well thats it for now. Life is Ok. I hope who ever reads this doesn't think I'm a freak. lol. I also hope the best for those who do read this. Peace -jamie