GREETINGS FROM BAKERSFIELD

OK. Here is an update to my last blog. Well my mood is way upbeat today.. YEAH!.. Just spent the weekend in Bakersfield with this Boi I care the world for. Just being around him lifted my mood tremendously. It's awesome how a person can do that to ya. I got a hotel room and we just hung out and "stuff". We went out to eat at a steak house, Tahoe Joes, good food. We also saw the movie WHEN A STRANGER CALLS, pretty good flick. Though I swear I was the oldest guy in the theater, lol, full of screaming 15-17 year old kids. My court shit is still going on and on, it will be 2 years this march that it all began. Sill not sure when it will all end, anywhere from a few months to a year. So today my mood is good. Im trying to take the advise some of you gave me and I'm trying not to dwell on the eventual outcome. Im just trying to enjoy each day with my family and my friends. i do have the occasional break downs, god those are not pretty. I can break down really bad at simple thoughts of the future and what I'm going to miss out on. This happened last night but I had my "boi" be there for me . I'll call him that from now on in my blogs for lack of a better word and cause I think its sounds cute. He prolly wouldn't want me calling him that or reffering to him in that way, but it puts a smile on my face, so I think he would understand. Though he isn't really mine, we are not b/f's, and unfortunetly I know we never will be. But at this junction of my life he is the closest thing I have to one and it's great to feel for someone like I do him. I believe he is cool with that and I know we are just great friends. I can't blame him for not wanting to get to close to me. Hell who would, when ya know whats going to happen to me in a few months or so? I've searched 2 years for someone who would accept my friendship knowing my future and so far he has been the most accepting of anyone. I thank him for that every chance I get.. But I understand how he doesn't want to get hurt in the end.. So it's cool with me, well I really don't have a choice, that he dates other guys and searches for that true love, all us humans want. Plus the distance between us is so far and are ages are just a few years apart,15, lol. So having him as a great friend is cool, though who wouldn't wish for more. But there are just too many things preventing that. Im wondering, " god am i making any sense tonight lol. and should I really post this?" oh well thats what blogs are for, rambling thoughts. Well thats it for now. Life is Ok. I hope who ever reads this doesn't think I'm a freak. lol. I also hope the best for those who do read this. Peace -jamie